Just stuff

New semester today. School messed up my schedule (along with several others) at the beginning of the year, so now I have to swap some classes. Bummer.
Science competition Saturday was ok. Only about 1/2 our team attended, which meant a few of us were tossed into events unprepared save for 1 hour of cramming on the bus. Our team scored 12th out of 69 teams in attendance.
Mom's sick. And grumpy.
Jonathon

Overwhelmed ...

Feeling like I couldn't write a coherent sentence lately if my life depended on it. Stress seems to muddle my brain. It's not a good thing, that's for sure. All of the issues just seem to spin around inside my head endlessly, and it's taking a toll.

With all of this action happening inside my head, you'd think that I might be getting a lot done ... sadly, no. Apparently all of the inner-head activity serves one purpose and that is to leave me exhausted. I'm having trouble accomplishing even the simplest of tasks.

I'm more than a little frustrated with it all, but my head hurts and I'm really too damn tired to attempt to sort it all out.

So little internet time ...

Well, we've made every possible cut and we're still not really getting by. The nation is worried about a recession? Hell, here in Michigan we've been experiencing a one-state recession for a few years now.

Yep, as Jona mentioned, I'm investigating new possibilities. For many reasons, it's time to make some changes. I do not look forward to the process of making this happen, and am still a long way from figuring out the logistics. But I'm hoping that the outcome will make it all worth it.

Right now we're experiencing a major freeze. High today of 6 degrees. And supposed to get colder yet tomorrow! Brrrrr! It will make a good excuse for staying indoors as much as possible.

It really is difficult not having internet at home. It's a tool we've become very accustomed to. Oh well. Worse things have happened.

Interesting thought ...

Well, Mom says she's thinking of moving. Selling the house and moving. South. Warmer temperatures. Lower cost of living.

Not sure what I think. Let's see ... higher tuition at U of M (if I ever make it there). New school - NOT a good thing, the schools here are really good. That's the main reason we moved here.

Total new beginning. Might be fun. Might suck.

I guess I'm going to have to wait and see what happens. Mom's real methodical. This won't happen quickly.

The need for "better"

Last Friday, I was sitting in a room full of widows - one of the support groups I facilitate - when a voice asked...

"WHEN DOES IT GET BETTER?"

The answer that I so desperately wanted give was "soon" ... but that would be a lie.


Last night, I was on the phone with a dear friend - a friend who has lost her father, as I have - when she described how his absence is always with her, and how she wondered when it would get better...

And I too think of my father every day. Usually thoughts of him bring a smile, although on occasion his absence invokes tears.

And this conversation with my friend brought my thoughts back to the voice in the group, pleading for comfort, the plaintive cry so imploringly seeking freedom from pain...

because, for a widow, it isn't just "moments" in which we feel that absence.

It's with every single breath we take...

"WHEN DOES IT GET BETTER?"

And, as I head into the anniversary of Don's death with nearly 9 years of experience, I say

"It doesn't get better - we simply get better at it"


Here's to 2008 ... a year that we will dedicate to the process of getting better! It's all about getting more value out of life, about finding joy in each and every day, about being thankful for what we have, about seeking out the best we can and about making the best of whatever comes our way.


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And, on another topic: Yep, I've been quite absent. This stems in part to some rather serious health issues, and in part to a lack of internet at home - though it was the luxury I've managed to hold onto the longest, mainly due to Jona's needing it for homework, there is no money in the budget for our on-line connection. We'll be here whenever possible, and thanks to all who inquired.