Message from Santa

Dear Friends;

I have been watching you very closely to see if you have been good this year and since you have, I was going to bring you all of the gifts from the 12 days of Christmas, but we had a little problem here at the North Pole.

The 12 fiddlers fiddling have all come down with VD from fiddling with the 10 ladies dancing, the 11 lords leaping have knocked up the 8 maids a-milking, and the 9 pipers piping have been arrested for doing weird things to the 7 swans a-swimming. The 6 geese a-laying, 4 calling birds, 3 French hens, 2 turtle doves and the partridge in a pear tree have me up to my sled runners in bird shit.

On top of all this! Mrs. Claus is absurdly menopausal, 5 of my reindeer are in heat, the elves have joined the gay liberation movement and some idiot who can't read a calendar has scheduled my Christmas delivery for the 5th of January.

Maybe next year I will be able to get my shit together and bring you the things you want.This year I suggest you get your asses down to Walmart before everything is gone.

Love,
Santa

*being shared from my e-mail box - Wow! Santa has my e-mail addy! Who knew???