Jonathon's Closet

Wednesday, November 15, 2006

Waves

Yesterday's "real time" landmine tossed me off the timeline a bit in the saga of "The Man". Today I'm sliding back in time and attempting to get the story back in sequence.

I mentioned earlier that “The Man” and I attended Jona’s swim meets and band concerts together. Yes, over the months we slowly, carefully began to incorporate Jona into our relationship. We watched movies together and played miniature golf and drove (and crashed!) go-carts. We went camping together and went to the beach and even dragged the protesting “Man” to the roller rink! And Jona and “The Man” began to grow very attached.

When you love someone you not only care about them as a person, but also about their well being. When they are hurt, you feel hurt and when they are in pain you feel pain also. Their physical and emotional problems are not only theirs, but they are yours as well. To be in love means to care about that person so deeply that your life would not be complete without them. The fact that you cherish one person so much is a blessing … at times.

Are you feeling like I just took a wild leap into “what-the-hell-are-you-talking-about” land? Or like I just wandered into “lost-my-train-of-thought”-ville? (and I’ve got to be careful – because those trains just don’t come along all too often!)

But no, I’m actually on topic. It’s relevant. You see, the closer they became the more “The Man” felt a profound sadness about E’s death. The more he felt that E should be here, and he should be spending time with E and not this other young man: Jona. The more fun we all had together, the bigger the backlash was for “The Man”. The more he felt guilty about enjoying this new life. And the pain began to overtake him in waves.

4 Comments:

  • I'm really at a loss for words here but HUGS to all of you! I'm glad you all enjoy each other's company and care for each other - you all deserve that.

    By Blogger scrapperjen, at 8:03 AM  

  • I can imagine that spending time with Jona feels, to The Man, like a betrayal to E. And if he enjoys himself, it probably feels even worse. And of course, Jona is surely a reminder of all his son should be doing and will never do.

    I feel a sense of foreboding in this post, but I hope The Man comes to terms with his relationship with Jona...and the memory of E.

    By Blogger Depressionista, at 2:56 PM  

  • Oh Kate!!! Often I get so immersed in you and Jona - I kinda forget that "The Man" has all this too!!!

    A personal thought here ~ the guilt is as bad if not worse than the grief!! Hold him as tightly as he has held you (I know you will).

    Hugs to each and everyone of you - I can only imagine all of your pain.

    XOXOX~Heather

    By Blogger Heather, at 3:06 PM  

  • The love that was E's will always be his, The Man. You can not give the love for someone else to a new person.

    You learn to love a new person and the new place in your heart is theirs.

    You have to learn this for yourself and it's not easy.

    By Blogger Valerie - Riding Solo, at 9:16 AM  

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