Jonathon's Closet

Tuesday, May 22, 2007

My thoughts on dreams YOU have for ME

My Mom wrote the following on a journal:

The truth is that children lose parents to death every single day. And we as a society are indeed incompetent when it comes to dealing with the accompanying grief. We desperately lack the necessary knowledge to help grieving children heal.

The dreams I have for Jona are not typical. Yes, I dream of a good education and a productive future. I dream of a nice home, good family, and of never going without. I dream of his becoming a decent moral man; caring, kind, and generous. I dream many of the same dreams that all parents dream for their children. But I dream of more.

I dream that he will be able to move past the grief and sorrow; the devastation and destruction that the death of his father brought to our lives. I dream that the pain will soften, and that the universe will provide a soft landing. I dream that he will one day be able to find trust in life again, that he’ll grow up to be brave and strong and move past the flashbacks that torment not only his sleep, but so many waking moments as well.

I dream that he will learn that anger turned outwards is violence, anger turned inwards is depression, and anger turned sideways is humor … and that humor is preferable! I dream that he will learn that doing what is right is best, even when it isn’t always easiest. I dream that his smile will again come as naturally as it once did, and that he will learn to relax as he searches for his place in this world.

Children grieving the loss of a parent have experienced a trauma so great that it's nearly incomprehensible to the rest of us. Even the experts DON'T KNOW what life becomes for these children. This is an invisible wound, My kid looks like all the other kids (well, except for that red hair and those freckles - but that's a totally different thing!) Life is different for a child who is not just imagining that something terrible MIGHT happen, but a child who KNOWS that terrible things DO happen.

For these children, happily ever after only exists in fairy tales. And yet I dream that he finds some measure of happiness.

At first when I saw it, I thought "who are YOU to decide on dreams for ME???" But then I read it. And her dreams are just for a good life, for success, for happiness. She's not dreaming or insisting that I become President or that I save the world. She just wants me to be a good person.

And when I thought about what she had written, I decided that I need to start to work at this. I'm not a little kid anymore. It's time to start really working toward these goals. And I'm choosing to start today.

Love ya Mom!



  • She also dreams of your heart being healed.

    I know that the loss of your dad leaves a hole in your life. I also know that it creates a tenderness and concern in you for others that have shared that loss.

    You will always be a man who sees the child with no father and steps in to care and share with them.

    It's not a thought that eases your heart now but it will ease the heart of those other children in your future as a man who cares for them.

    I heart you young man!

    By Blogger Valerie - Riding Solo, at 8:12 AM  

  • kate--you have a pretty teriffic son there!

    By Blogger Mrs. M, at 8:26 AM  

  • You'll do just fine. You've already got the smarts and the drive. And you have a mom who will never give up on you. You're definitely going to do great things some day, hon!

    By Blogger Chaos Mommy, at 8:14 AM  

  • I lost my Dad when I was ten and it does change you forever. I never had the support that you have Jona. Your Mum is doing a wonderful job in raising you and helping to guide you in the right direction. Riding Solo put it right too. You will be a very compasionate man and understand the hurt. You will turn out to be a fine Man indeed.

    Take care

    By Blogger Britmum, at 1:14 PM  

  • What a wise, smart, good young man you are! I hope your mom's deams come true.

    By Blogger Mindi, at 9:44 PM  

  • Your Mom wants what good moms aroudn the world - what's best for you. What a nice thing for her to write.

    By Blogger Dan Mosqueda, at 1:24 PM  

  • (I apologize for posting this, rather than emailing it, but I can't find your email address in my files.)

    The Detroit Free Press had an article about young widows today, which I thought you might appreciate reading:

    I read your blog regularly, and get a lot out of reading it. Thank you for continuing your blog.

    Jennifer Tislerics
    Gift of Life Michigan

    By Anonymous Jennifer Tislerics, at 6:56 AM  

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