Neglectful
I've been neglectful. (hanging head in shame) I've completely ignored this place all week. It's been a hard week.
I haven't been feeling well this week. No big deal, just not feeling well. Mostly due to some changes in my arthritis meds. Like I can't afford them, so I'm not on them. But that's another story. Hard to type when your hands are seriously uncooperative (along with the rest of your body!) and shreiking out in pain at each attempt. Working thru it, but it's slowing me down.
But Jona - now that's a complication! One of the results of losing Dad, baby, and Grandpa in such a sort time is a child who is ultra-sensitive to illness. When I am sick (even just the flu) it pushes this kid's panic button. He is concerned. No, not just concerned. He is frightened.
"Are you ok Mom? Can I get you anything? Are you sure you're ok? Do you need me to go to the store for you? I can go to the store, you know. Here, a cool washcloth for your forehead. Mom? Are you really ok?" etc. etc. etc.
Sounds ok, right? I mean it's good that he demonstrates concern, I know. But he isn't just demonstrating concern. He is panicked. And that causes him to act out in other ways.
In between the expressions of concern are behaviors that are unacceptable. (It is NOT ok to yell at Grandma when she calls because she is bothering your mother and YOUR MOTHER IS TRYING TO REST!!! - This pisses off Grandma to no end, who insists that you put your mother on the phone and launches into a 20 minute lecture on "I don't know what's wrong with you, but you should get off your lazy ass and do something, it'll make you feel better")
He also retreats into his books, which is ok when not carried too far. He carries it too far. He becomes so engrossed in his books that he does not hear me when I call, he forgets to feed the dog, he becomes upset if he is asked to go outside and get the mail - you get the picture. Do not interrupt this child when he is reading. Even if he is reading when he is supposed to be feeding the dog.
And he won't sleep when he's worried about me. He keeps coming into my room and checking on me. Which wakes me up. Grrrr. When he does doze off, the nightmares return. Bits and pieces of scary dreams in which his father is dying. Over and over again. Sometimes an accurate replay of that morning, sometimes a weird dream-like death. Sometimes he substitutes Mom in Dad's place in these dreams. Great.
Sure am looking forward to school starting - maybe he'll be so involved with his homework, swim team practice, Science Olympiad Team, etc. that he won't even notice how I'm feeling - and then things could get back to normal around here!
Oh, wait - I forget - WHAT IS NORMAL???
I haven't been feeling well this week. No big deal, just not feeling well. Mostly due to some changes in my arthritis meds. Like I can't afford them, so I'm not on them. But that's another story. Hard to type when your hands are seriously uncooperative (along with the rest of your body!) and shreiking out in pain at each attempt. Working thru it, but it's slowing me down.
But Jona - now that's a complication! One of the results of losing Dad, baby, and Grandpa in such a sort time is a child who is ultra-sensitive to illness. When I am sick (even just the flu) it pushes this kid's panic button. He is concerned. No, not just concerned. He is frightened.
"Are you ok Mom? Can I get you anything? Are you sure you're ok? Do you need me to go to the store for you? I can go to the store, you know. Here, a cool washcloth for your forehead. Mom? Are you really ok?" etc. etc. etc.
Sounds ok, right? I mean it's good that he demonstrates concern, I know. But he isn't just demonstrating concern. He is panicked. And that causes him to act out in other ways.
In between the expressions of concern are behaviors that are unacceptable. (It is NOT ok to yell at Grandma when she calls because she is bothering your mother and YOUR MOTHER IS TRYING TO REST!!! - This pisses off Grandma to no end, who insists that you put your mother on the phone and launches into a 20 minute lecture on "I don't know what's wrong with you, but you should get off your lazy ass and do something, it'll make you feel better")
He also retreats into his books, which is ok when not carried too far. He carries it too far. He becomes so engrossed in his books that he does not hear me when I call, he forgets to feed the dog, he becomes upset if he is asked to go outside and get the mail - you get the picture. Do not interrupt this child when he is reading. Even if he is reading when he is supposed to be feeding the dog.
And he won't sleep when he's worried about me. He keeps coming into my room and checking on me. Which wakes me up. Grrrr. When he does doze off, the nightmares return. Bits and pieces of scary dreams in which his father is dying. Over and over again. Sometimes an accurate replay of that morning, sometimes a weird dream-like death. Sometimes he substitutes Mom in Dad's place in these dreams. Great.
Sure am looking forward to school starting - maybe he'll be so involved with his homework, swim team practice, Science Olympiad Team, etc. that he won't even notice how I'm feeling - and then things could get back to normal around here!
Oh, wait - I forget - WHAT IS NORMAL???
posted by kateandjona at
6:00 AM
5 Comments:
Ok, so the next time I go on and on about my silly problems, give me a smack in the head and let me in on yours! Yours are much more important than mine are!
By
Chaos Mommy, at 9:18 AM
Time to get caller ID and just not answer the phone?
Feel better soon...both of you!
By
Catherine, at 9:22 AM
I came here from Mom101's and I don't know where to begin or end in reading your blog.
You and your son's words are beyond poignant. I hope you don't mind if I add you to my blogroll and stop back when I can give you the proper time needed to read (although I may have read ten posts because I just couldn't stop). Best to you and your son.
By
G, at 4:47 PM
I hope you are feeling better soon!
By
kate, at 6:08 AM
I would like to say that I was a "deaf" reader because that is how deeply I get into my books. Mom would have to take the book from my cold, stiff fingers to get my attention.
I read a lot of fantasy and sci-fi, still do, because I want a way OUT of real life. I don't want to read about real, it's too hard.
I don't think I was hiding, I just was all the way into that other place I was reading about.
You are the last one he feels safe with and to lose you is a real fear. All you can do is repeat that you are going to be here for him as long as you can.
You both might feel better if you have a working alternative in place for if you are injured or ill so he knows he has a plan and people to care for him and help him if that happens.
I used liquid Knox gelatin in grape juice and asprin to help with the arthritis. The vioxx worked great until my heart attack from taking it. Napersan worked but hurt my stomach worse than asprin. And yes, it's degenertive, I have a steel hip I got at 49.
I don't skimp on milk products, either. I seem to be doing ok. It still sneaks up and gets me sometimes.
and finally - I never saw the chore that wouldn't wait until you felt better or had more time to do it.
They don't go away and they may not look pretty but they will still be there when you are better able to deal with them. Put a towel over the laundry basket, rinse and stack the dishes, put the soaking pans in the over, and ignore the floors except for spills.
My house used to be messy all the time because we had better things to do than housework. Now it's getting cleaner all the time and I feel like I am visiting at someone else's place.
I want something more fun to do than chores, too!
And boy? Waking up your mom will keep her body from healing as fast as it would if she was getting enough sleep.
You can hold a small mirror to her lips and see if it steams up from her breath, don't wake her up.
Try getting a set of room monitors, those walkie talkie kind, for your bed rooms so you can sleep knowing that if she needs you she can just call out for you. It will work for when you are ill and she needs to keep an eye on you, too.
And that's my two dollars worth!
By
Valerie - Still Riding Forward, at 12:27 PM
Post a Comment
<< Home