Jonathon's Closet

Tuesday, June 26, 2007

You know ...

The memories rolled thru my head, as if being viewed on the silver screen. It all feels like it was just yesterday, you know. And as I watched, I smiled a small sad smile.

Those thoughts fill me with such emptiness. I’m nothing without him, you know. And I’m also everything to my family now; I have no choice.

These same memories also fill me with an overwhelming happiness. So many people travel this life journey without ever finding what we had. I was blessed, you know.

With the smiles come tears, with the joy comes sadness … it’s all a part of the path of loss. You know, it’s just a part of my journey now.

The pain never goes away, you know. It softens with time and blends more smoothly with everyday life, but it is always there; every moment of every day it’s there. You know that, don’t you?

And as I sat on the front porch last night, watching the twinkling of the fireflies against the night sky, I was overwhelmed by the beauty of life … and, well, you know … overwhelmed by the pain of his absence.

It’s all just, well, you know … no, that’s not right … no, you don’t know … you can’t know, until you travel this road … and … I hope that for you … knowing … is a long ways off.

3 Comments:

  • I don't know the full extent but I know the full extent of loss. I know the hurt never truly goes away. It fades but comes back with such a force that it feels like it was yesterday.

    My thoughts and prayers are with you Kate.

    Lots of love

    Catherine xx

    By Blogger Britmum, at 8:40 AM  

  • Like Britmum I think I can understand the nature of loss through my own losses, not all the same as yours. I know that the type of pain you have is there every moment of every day. You have so much more perspective than I do now, but it's not an expectation of mine, that it will ever go away.

    Thinking of you.
    (((hugs)))

    By Blogger Rosepetal, at 9:38 AM  

  • At the funeral of their 2 month old baby who didn't make it through heart surgery, my friends had the minister assure the congregation that, "There really is a place where joy and sorrow meet."

    My God hold you in His hand through your journey.

    By Blogger JP, at 3:24 PM  

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